GO
Every day awakes, stretches out before me. Beckoning me.

What will this day bring? In some ways I’m not sure, but in others, it’s up to me.

Will it be a good day? That depends—not so much on my circumstances, but more on me!

Will I choose to look at today through a glass half full or half empty? Will I see others and events as obstacles to get through or opportunities to pursue? Will I determine to be intentional or to merely react, to embrace this day with joy or apprehension?

There will be the mailman, the delivery man, strangers, and friends. There will be park workers, solicitors, my children, and my husband.

How will I treat them? Are they annoyances or blessings?

What will this day bring? How about opportunity! After all it is up to me.

What will you choose?

STOP

“This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalm 118:24, HCSB)

Wow! Another reason to rejoice is I completed my Five Minute Friday writing in five minutes for the first time ever!

Share in the Discussion: How do you begin your days? Does it matter?

 Know that I am blessed by your visits and value your comments. If you find my writings encouraging, please share them with others by clicking one of the buttons below. I love to pray for you and hear your stories!

This happened to me a couple weeks ago.

It required several passes over some patches before the lawn looked sufficiently manicured. I finally finished, rather frustrated, vowing never to let the grass get so tall again and beseeching my mower-maintaining husband to sharpen the mower blades.

However, it won’t be long before this scenario is repeated. The lawn will continue to grow—and get away from me, rarely will I mow at the most opportune time, and sharp blades won’t compensate for everything, like poor mowing habits.

Conquering sinful habits (my critical nature, for instance) is somewhat like my mowing problem. They are not easy to control, and the problems don’t just go away:

No matter how many vows I make, I keep slipping back into those familiar habits.

No matter how good my intentions are, time slips away, and I don’t “mow” soon enough.

No matter how often the “blades” are sharpened, if I drive too fast, the patches remain stubbornly tall.

Many times in the past (and some instances in the present), I’ve felt like a failure as those annoying human habits I’m trying to wipe out resurface again and again. Anybody with me here?

I try hard—I really do. I have good intentions. I do all the right things. What gives?

Me! That’s what.

It’s taken years to realize, I can do little good that will stick by my own strength. My will, my intentions, my efforts aren’t enough.

Paul encourages us that we can

“do all things through Him who strengthens” (Philippians 4:13 HCSB, emphasis mine).

Did you get that? Through Him! Not on my mine. Not by my own efforts. Not because I want to badly enough.

It is easy for me to leave the Lord out, or at least, to regulate Him to a secondary support system: If I fail, I’ll pull in my backup. That mindset is a recipe for frustration.

There are several practical actions I can incorporate in order to keep the grass of my life from getting out of control and becoming unseemly:

• I can replace each bad habit with an alternative.
• I can slow down as hyper-speed allows no opportunity to assess the cause of the problem.
• I can be timely and persistent in my mowing as intentional, regular mowings are essential to a well-manicured (never perfect) life.
• I can be realistic as there is only One perfect, and it is not me, nor you.

But most importantly, I can cultivate the habit of keeping the blades (tools) sharpened and the lawnmower properly serviced by being daily in Word and prayer.  The Lord will help, but not if I shut Him out.

Hmm, better yet, maybe I’ll just let Him be the driver in the first place …

Are you with me?

“His divine power has given us everything required for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness” (1 Peter 1:3 HCSB).

Share in the Discussion: What is keeping you from having a well-manicured lawn of life? Have you let the Lord be your driver?

Know that I am blessed by your visits and value your comments. If you find my writings encouraging, please share them with others by clicking one of the buttons below. I love to pray for you and hear your stories!

Perfection. Beauty. Stillness.

I sit contemplating the events of the past 48 hours. A whirlwind of activity. A jumble of emotions.

Graduation parties began in earnest Saturday, and Sunday was THE day. A day of excitement, apprehension, joy, and yes, some sadness (at least for a couple of us). A day filled with nostalgia for me. The day my firstborn officially graduated from high school.

It started off with a church tribute to our graduates featuring a slideshow of their activities through the years, while a foursome, including his brother, sang the heart-tugging “Find Your Wings” written by Mark R. Harris and Tony W. Wood.

Doubly emotional for a sentimental mama like me!

The near-man was/is/has been ready. His mom, not so much.

It’s not that I’m fearful for him or unsure of his abilities or wanting him to stay forever young. But I will miss him, terribly! And more than that, his rite of passage heralds in a parental shift that I’m not altogether ready for.

How quickly his siblings will follow suit!

As I watched the seniors stride across the stage and reach for their diplomas, I wondered what the future held for each. Is she ready to live life on her own? Is he grounded in what is important? Is their hope placed in the one and only trustworthy Guide?

And the age-old question that must pass through every Christian parent’s mind crept into mine:  Did I do a good enough job discipling my child? I have to trust the answer is yes.

I want to sit with each young man and woman. Pass on hard-won truths. Point out that their future glows brightest when it is less about “me,” more about “we,” and mostly about “Him.”

I want to ingrain the wisdom of Solomon into their beings.

So to all the graduates and near-graduates, this is for you:

My son, don’t forget my teaching,
but let your heart keep my commands;
² for they will bring you
many days, a full life, and well-being.
³ Never let loyalty and faithfulness leave you.
Tie them around your neck;
write them on the tablet of your heart.
⁴ Then you will find favor and high regard
in the sight of God and man.
⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not rely on your own understanding;
⁶ think about Him in all your ways,
and He will guide you on the right paths.
⁷ Don’t consider yourself to be wise;
fear the Lord and turn away from evil.
⁸ This will be healing for your body
and strengthening for your bones.
⁹ Honor the Lord with your possessions
and with the first produce of your entire harvest;
¹⁰ then your barns will be completely filled,
and your vats will overflow with new wine.
¹¹ Do not despise the Lord’s instruction, my son,
and do not loathe His discipline;
¹² for the Lord disciplines the one He loves,
just as a father, the son he delights in.
¹³ Happy is a man who finds wisdom
and who acquires understanding,
¹⁴ for she is more profitable than silver,
and her revenue is better than gold.
¹⁵ She is more precious than jewels;
nothing you desire compares with her.
¹⁶ Long life is in her right hand;
in her left, riches and honor.
¹⁷ Her ways are pleasant,
and all her paths, peaceful.
¹⁸ She is a tree of life to those who embrace her,
and those who hold on to her are happy.
¹⁹ The Lord founded the earth by wisdom
and established the heavens by understanding.
²⁰ By His knowledge the watery depths broke open,
and the clouds dripped with dew.
²¹ Maintain your competence and discretion.
My son, don’t lose sight of them.
²² They will be life for you
and adornment for your neck.
²³ Then you will go safely on your way;
your foot will not stumble.
²⁴ When you lie down, you will not be afraid;
you will lie down, and your sleep will be pleasant.
²⁵ Don’t fear sudden danger
or the ruin of the wicked when it comes,
²⁶ for the Lord will be your confidence
and will keep your foot from a snare.
²⁷ When it is in your power,
don’t withhold good from the one it belongs to.
²⁸ Don’t say to your neighbor, “Go away! Come back later.
I’ll give it tomorrow”—when it is there with you.
²⁹ Don’t plan any harm against your neighbor,
for he trusts you and lives near you.
³⁰ Don’t accuse anyone without cause,
when he has done you no harm.
³¹ Don’t envy a violent man
or choose any of his ways;
³² for the devious are detestable to the Lord,
but He is a friend to the upright.
³³ The Lord’s curse is on the household of the wicked,
but He blesses the home of the righteous;
³⁴ He mocks those who mock,
but gives grace to the humble.
³⁵ The wise will inherit honor,
but He holds up fools to dishonor.
                                                —Proverbs 3,HCSB

Share in the Discussion: What words of wisdom would you pass on to graduates given the chance?

Linking with A Holy Experience to celebrate my graduate and all the other sweet gifts of joy I’m blessed with, #632–652 (view them all here):

• All students safe in fugitive scare; sweet scent of lilacs; Son accepted into college Honors Program=to God be the glory
• Miraculous healing power of God heralded by an acquaintance; celebrating my youngest’s events; scanner convenience
• Special prayers for our graduates at tonight’s baccalaureate; homemade strawberry pie—unbeatable!; worship songs
• God’s fingerprints; medical advancements; reminders of what’s truly important
• Lost teeth; His presence in my overwhelmed absence; Met need
• Seeing a spider knock itself out—no kidding!; Faith; Cool, creamy ice cream
• My first baby’s high school graduation—so proud!; Spending all day with family; Cake balls—gotta love ‘em

This week’s prompt, Perspective, is perfect for this time in my life.

So here goes …

GO

The day wasn’t much different from any other; the moment similar to many.

Only this time the weight laid heavy on my heart.

Tears came hard and fast as I contemplated how to take one more step, one more day with this burden of caring for my daughter day after day.

Then relief erupted nearly as suddenly. Blessed relief in the pure joy of living … this life … poured out for me! This life as the honored mother of such a precious gift.

One hour I’m so excited for my graduating son, I can hardly contain myself; the next I’m filling Lake Erie with my tears, imagining him on his own in a few short months.

My mood is as changeable as the weather in Iowa. If you don’t like it, just wait a few minutes, it will be different.

There are days when I am bursting with the love and passion I feel for my Lord. And the next I’m doing isolation and confusion.

Sometimes I am wrapped with the confidence to boldly share my story; other times I’m gripped with fear.

Such fickleness is disconcerting, even a little maddening (okay, maybe a lot)! But the answer lies simply in perspective.

When God designed my life, He planned it perfectly. However, I only see imperfectly. My eyes (and mind) can’t comprehend the enormity of a life made in God’s image.

So I will continue to stumble. I will continue to cry one minute and laugh the next. I will continue to be on cloud nine this day and deep in the pit of despair the next.

I will continue to reflect bits of God’s glory only now and again. But I won’t give up. Because one day, I will have the perspective of the Lord …

… and “see” that it is all grace!

STOP

“For as heaven is higher than earth,
so My ways are higher than your ways,
and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

—Isaiah 55:9, HCSB

Join in the Discussion: Have you been discouraged when some days it seems you take more steps backward then forward in your spirit? What actions are you taking to lessen the feelings of confusion, isolation, and heavy weight of sadness?

Know that I am blessed by your visits and value your comments. If you find my writings encouraging, please share them with others by clicking one of the buttons below. I love to pray for you and hear your stories!

As the days get warmer, I gear up for many activities I love: gardening, hiking, exploring, kayaking/canoeing.

More than anything, though, late spring ushers in family time! School is out. The days are waiting to be filled with memories of togetherness.

.

Honestly, I’d be a homeschooling mom in a perfect world. Since this world is not perfect, and I do not home school, I try to pack summer break with all things family.

However, I might become a tad obsessed to that end—striving to make each day reflect a picture-perfect “Leave it to Beaver” idealism. What I fail to take into account are real-life imperfection and individual differences. I tend to clutter the days with activities instead of relationship.

My mind is filled with images of those ideal lazy summer days of my youth. Reality is, that isn’t reality now and wasn’t reality then.

I whitewashed my childhood and projected that as truth. Then I spend my days planning how to make that imaginative perception come to life.

In the process of scheduling in perfection, I can easily miss (and have) the real joys sprinkled throughout each day. Over-scheduling and over-planning chase away the fun.

Summer break flies by quickly, and I still believe it is wise to do some planning. But I’ve discovered flexibility and lowering my expectations are the keys to ensuring a memorable summer filled with fabulous family-building moments (this goes for any vacations as well).

Some of my favorite photos and memories came from “spur-of-the-moment” outings: playing in the creek, overnight caving trips, an afternoon of canoeing, impromptu bike rides.

Nonetheless—although the 18 years of parenting have mellowed and educated me in many ways—I still struggle with this aspect of living in the moment. It is not easy for me to just let life happen, especially when it comes to my children.

I want to ensure they are all present for each summer experience—to “force” togetherness—to project my definition of ideal summers on them.

I want to be in control. Summer, more than any other season, spotlights that character flaw in me.

So I’m looking to you, my dear readers, for encouragement as I gear up for 90 days of togetherness. Will you provide me some inspiration?

Do you lean toward planning the fun out of summer or do relationships trump activity? What ways have you filled your days with family, love, and joy? Do you have pointers for making a smooth transition from school days to home? I’d really like to know.

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it (Psalm 118:24).

Know that I am blessed by your visits and value your comments. If you find my writings encouraging, please share them with others by clicking one of the buttons below. I love to pray for you and hear your stories!

Let’s face it, some days are just plain miserable.

Yesterday, while waiting for inspiration to strike for today’s post, I paged through my latest journal, hoping it would generate ideas. My journal (far from daily) is a record of thoughts, prayers, notes, and Scripture verses as they come to me. No set formula or schedule.

The aspect of my entries that jumped out at me this day is the seeming contradiction from one to the other. One day is a record of peace, joy, love, and confidence. And the next depicts frustration, remorse, uncertainty, guilt, and anger = M-I-S-E-R-Y.

It was rather disturbing because I strive to cultivate joy in each day, to see God at work in all circumstances.

But despite my best efforts, I still have troubled days. Days when His presence is shrouded. Days when my joy falls flat.

In the face of such repeated distress, it is easy to lose hope, but I’ve developed habits that combat hopelessness.

Here are my ten action items for encouragement, in no particular order of importance:

1.      Stay in the Word daily

I have not always been faithful to be in Scripture regularly. However, since I began this daily habit, I’ve developed an increasingly robust faith. One that can withstand roller coaster rides much easier.

“For whatever was written in the past was written for our instruction, so that we may have hope through endurance and through the encouragement from the Scriptures” (Romans 15:4).

2.      Keep a journal

It doesn’t have to be daily, but it should be somewhat regular—a place to record thoughts, feelings, mood swings, revealed truths, life’s happenings, etc.

3.      Engage supportive Christian friends

Human feelings are fickle, especially female emotions. Encouragement from others who are open and honest about their up-and-down life is a great reminder that we aren’t alone in our feelings.

4.      Extend grace (to yourself and others)

Realize everyone fails (including pastors, celebrities, and authority figures). Cut yourself some slack. (Often this is the hardest of the ten to do.)

5.      Fill your mind with uplifting and encouraging thoughts.

From media to simple conversations, it is important to control what we take in for a variety of reasons. Many movies, television shows, video games, and songs are filled with immorality, unnecessary violence, and degradation. In contrast, reading or listening to stories of the redemptive grace of the Lord can be extremely supportive when struggling, and Christian music and clean comedies or inspirational movies are also heartening.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Philippians 4:8 NIV).

6.      Give thanks in everything

Not only a form of worship, but intentionally giving thanks through difficult times changes our heart and attitude from bitter and hurt to hopeful and uplifted.

“Give thanks in everything, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

7.      Attend worship regularly

Find a church home that preaches the Word where you can encourage and be encouraged.

“For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there among them.” (Matthew 18:20).

8.      Give yourself permission to vent in appropriate ways

A good cry or scream (preferably in the woods out of earshot of most) has been extremely therapeutic for me.

9.      Reach out to others

Turning your focus off “me” and projecting it to others is a wonderful way to be uplifted.

10.  Be realistic and have fun

We are sinners living in a fallen world. Life is not going to be all rosy. However, Christians need not be gloomy. We have every reason to celebrate, so take (make) time to enjoy each day.

“I know that there is nothing better for them [man] than to rejoice and enjoy the good life. It is also the gift of God whenever anyone eats, drinks, and enjoys all his efforts” (Ecclesiastes 3:12–13).

Although these ten practices have been instrumental in helping me maintain my perspective (albeit imperfect) in a life dotted with bumps and holes, they are by no means exhaustive. And they do not comprise the “magic” pill.

No matter how near we draw to the Lord, disappointment and misery will raise their ugly heads. The important thing is to develop habits that will carry you through the discouragement. I’d love to see your list!

Share in the Discussion: Which of my ten action items resonates most strongly with you? In what additional ways have you cultivated hope?

Linking with Ann Voskamp for

Here are #611–631 of my One Thousand (or more) List:

• Lost children found safe—praise God!; orioles, hummingbirds and goldfinches hanging just off our deck; grace of my boys
• Iris’ in bloom; two beloved respite providers back for the summer; surprise packages
• Sons messed up hair; hard work of a senior to get scholarships—so proud; my second boy’s willingness to laugh at himself
• More beautiful birds: grosbeak and indigo bunting; time to talk, really talk; God’s timely provisions
• Tea with a dear friend; caress of a perfect temperature day; evening with my parents watching son play soccer
• Son singing Chris Rice’s “Deep Enough to Dream” for his last high school event; bat zipping past my face; Rachel’s abounding love
• Sunday with family; dormant seeds awakening to sturdy little plants; children’s generosity, even if only in thought

Know that I am blessed by your visits and value your comments. If you find my writings encouraging, please share them with others by clicking one of the buttons below. I love to pray for you and hear your stories!

Linking up to the The Gypsy Mama to take the Five Minute Friday writing challenge (only mine’s on Saturday) where we write unedited for five minutes on a topic. This week’s word is Identity.

GO
Ask me who I am and I’ll say mother, daughter, sister, friend, wife, editor.
On confident days I may even add writer.
It is true. I am these but so much more.
I am an accountant, a maid, a hair stylist, a logistics manager, a counselor, a confidante, an educator, a lover, a nurse, a travel agent …
And there are more.
I struggle and wonder which to be at each moment. Sometimes I even wear the wrong nametag: counselor when it should read wife; friend when it should say mother.
Because none of them came with an instruction book. Each becoming comfortable only after a season.
I’m in the midst of some of those identities. Others I’m nearing the end or perhaps just beginning. A splattering of hats I’ll wear all my earthly life. Many are only momentary.
In my uncertainty in how to play certain roles I need to relax, take it one day at a time. Realizing I’m not asked to know it all or be it all.
There is a time for all things.

And in some things I’m throwing stones, in others I’m gathering, and in still others I’m doing both at the same time.
But the most important thing to remind myself is each of these identities are temporal, ending with my departure from this earth.
The only one that truly lasts, the only one to put all my stones in, the only one of eternal value is my identity in Christ.
And that’s an identity worth hanging my hat on.
STOP

There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven: … a time to throw stones and a time to gather stones (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 5, HCSB).

Reflections: What identity are you struggling with right now (mine is author)? Have you cultivated your most important role, your identity in Christ?

Know that I am blessed by your visits and value your comments. If you find my writings encouraging, please share them with others by clicking one of the buttons below. I love to pray for you and hear your stories!

_________________________________________________________________________

Mother.

The word conjures up many different emotions.

To some it brings sadness, to others fear, and to still others a sense of belonging.

My heart aches for those who knew only abuse and condemnation at the hands of their mothers. Know I will be praying for peace and healing for you this Mother’s Day. (If you would be comfortable leaving a comment below [or contact me directly through email], I would be happy to pray for your specific needs.)

Dear Mom,

You have been nothing but a blessing in my life. You are an amazing woman! It took strength and fortitude to raise the six of us children. And with only eight years between the oldest and the youngest, perhaps a little insanity as well. (To top it off, four of them are boys, poor you!)

With Dad gone a lot with work, especially early on, isolation must have pretty much camped at  your doorstep.  But you soldiered on, making our house a home through love and commitment.

You didn’t have much opportunity to get out with little disposable money, a growing family, few neighbors, and Dad away so much. We all thank God for that one close neighbor and friend (thanks, Floriene), who saved your sanity by providing companionship and occasional childcare.

But I never heard you complain. Even when the weight of your responsibilities became crushing and the tears slipped down your cheeks, no complaints were uttered. Year after year you worked that huge garden, canning and freezing many fruits and vegetables. However, you performed your mom-duties with such grace I never knew you actually detested gardening until years later.

You and Dad gave everything you had to us children. I’m not sure how you survived with only one extended escape from us in more than two decades of parenting. Maybe that explains your beautiful gray/white hair at such an early age!

Mom, I’ll never forget how you sacrificed  desires and comforts to be our mother. You cooked, cleaned, fed, clothed, sewed, knitted, gardened, bathed, loved, disciplined, comforted, guided, encouraged, and prayed for us.

After dentist appointments you would take the lucky one through McDonald’s to get a fish sandwich—plain please. That’s compassion in action!

In the heat and humidity of an Iowa summer, you chose to remain in the stifling kitchen blending milkshakes for your family while we cooled off in a water tank. That’s love in action!

On the rare evenings you and Dad were going out, you would first prepare a kid-pleaser meal of perhaps homemade macaroni and cheese and fish sticks. That’s caring in action!

On days you could scrape together a few extra minutes, you would play games with us. That’s a mom’s heart in action!

And your giving hasn’t ended. You continue to love sacrificially, fully investing in the lives of your children and grandchildren.

Mom, I love you more than words can describe. Thank you for giving so much of you, so we could have a wonderful, love-filled childhood. Thank you for being there even when you were exhausted. Thank you for still being there, for guiding, listening, and praying for me. I pray I can be half the mom you are.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I am doubly blessed with moms because my mother-in-law is a fabulous mother to me as well. Nearly 23 years ago, she welcomed me as family with open arms. Her prayers, encouragement, and love are felt daily. I pray I have her wisdom and grace when I am a mother-in-law.

I love you, Ruth. Your heart for Jesus Christ daily inspires me to pursue Him.

“Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her” (Proverbs 31:28).

Reflections: How has your mother blessed you? Do you have plans for blessing her this Mother’s Day?

There’s still time to enter my giveaway for Katie Ganshert’s debut novel Wildflowers from Winter. Just click over to Hope Renewed—Disability Through a God Lens {and a Giveaway} and follow the instructions at the end of the post. You have until midnight Friday, May 11, to enter. The winner will be announced Friday afternoon.

Buds develop and open; blasts of color dot the landscape. Days turn, soon fragrant petals drift to the ground on wisps of a breeze and dandelion seeds scatter in the wind.

Birds and other critters pair up, find homes, and begin families. Little mouths gape hungrily, and jittery mothers guide their children on journeys of survival.

The season unfolds, and I grapple with holding on to each precious moment. They slip through my fingers faster than I can close on them.

One boy mows the lawn for the first time and is ready to stay home alone (really?), another will soon be considered an upperclassman , and a third enjoys his last prom. My girl is becoming a lady overnight.

I, too, am on a journey to survive. Time whirls before my eyes, faster and faster it seems. Somewhere along the way, I must have blinked, and days, months, seasons, and whole years somehow disappeared.

Three boys and a girl sprout like flower stalks and flex their wings in eager anticipation of flying in the not-so-distant future. Is the time really that close?

Babies stay dependent for a hair breadth of time. Toddlers run through the years to preschool and are soon much too old to need Mom and Dad to tie their shoes. Children become teens, teens become young men and women, and young men and women quickly begin searching out their own script.

I remind myself not to get too caught up in this season or worry about the next because it all changes so quickly. One morphs into the next before I fully realize its presence. Boy becomes man in an instant.

I get lost in the sameness of the parenting drudgery or the uncertainties of guiding a young life. Dousing the fires that smolder in households sporting six sets of desires, six selfish hearts, six demanding mouths can be all consuming.

I tend to worry about what is happening and what is to come; desiring something more and different, yet dreading the inevitable life changes.

It is easy to miss the joy.

I need just look around, breathe deeply, and listen intently to learn to revel in each moment.

Each year as winter breaks and snowflakes turn into raindrops, the birds resume their joyous chorus. A few short months and the hardships will again be upon them: scarce food, harsh cold, hazardous flights, and ravenous predators.

Yet the birds, they sing! For the glory that is today they sing.

As boy turns to man, girl to woman; as family meals occur more frequently with chairs glaring empty; as the cheerful din of a houseful of children transitions to a peaceful drone of quiet conversation, I will think of the little wren and I will sing.

I will choose to embrace each moment, etching them into my memory. For soon that’s all they will be.

And then, too, for the glory of that day, I will sing!

He causes the springs to gush into the valleys;
they flow between the mountains.
¹¹ They supply water for every wild beast;
the wild donkeys quench their thirst.
¹² The birds of the sky live beside the springs;
they sing among the foliage.
¹³ He waters the mountains from His palace;
the earth is satisfied by the fruit of Your labor.

¹⁴ He causes grass to grow for the livestock
and provides crops for man to cultivate,
producing food from the earth,
¹⁵ wine that makes man’s heart glad—
making his face shine with oil—
and bread that sustains man’s heart.

¹⁶ The trees of the Lord flourish,^[c]
the cedars of Lebanon that He planted.
¹⁷ There the birds make their nests;
the stork makes its home in the pine trees.
¹⁸ The high mountains are for the wild goats;
the cliffs are a refuge for hyraxes.

¹⁹ He made the moon to mark the^[d] festivals;^[e]
the sun knows when to set.
²⁰ You bring darkness, and it becomes night,
when all the forest animals stir.
²¹ The young lions roar for their prey
and seek their food from God.
²² The sun rises; they go back
and lie down in their dens.
²³ Man goes out to his work
and to his labor until evening.

²⁴ How countless are Your works, Lord!

                                    —Psalm 104:10–24, HCSB

Reflections: What season of life are you in? No matter which season it is, are you choosing to sing, simply for the glory that is each day?

If you missed last Friday’s post on blessings from pain, check it out here for a chance (or three) to win a copy of Katie Ganshert’s debut novel, Wildflowers from Winter.

Linking with Ann today to share in

So grateful for God’s infinite blessings #589–610 (view my entire 1000 gifts list by clicking here):

• Sun finally burning thru clouds; awesome-looking graduation announcements; permission to walk in grass! (w/ brace)
• new friends; perspective time brings on situations; songs of worship played/sung by high schoolers in public school
• nesting wren; first official braceless walk since January injury; chicken & potato salad–official foods of summer
• New opportunities; tree frog on the window; Working from home
• Dandelions spreading their seeds in the breeze; mowing in the sun; visiting with new friends & old acquaintances
• relaxing on a carpet of grass; a friend who loves my daughter unconditionally; graduation invitations done!
• peaceful darkness; Mom’s prom fun; a glorious glowing moon–take a peek

Your daughter has Velo-cardio Facial Syndrome (VCFS). The report was in. I held onto the words as the unusual gift they were: dreaded relief. Finally, what we’d been waiting three years for: a reason for Rachel’s global delays.

In some ways it was a sentence. Almost a pronouncement of judgment. Yet I shed few tears. I had a task to do, and such a verdict wouldn’t change that.

My job was to provide the best for my daughter. The best therapy. The most love. I had a plan of action, and such a statement wouldn’t detour me.

In fact, now I had direction and could research with more fervor. Discover what conditions to watch for, what other parents have found to be most helpful, what the future would hold.

I could join support groups, quickly explain my daughter’s unusual behaviors (“She has VCFS.”) to those with questioning eyes, and move on.

As strange as it sounds, like a beacon in a storm, the diagnosis brought a feeling of security.

But it didn’t bring security.

Race forward a year or so to a revoked diagnosis and a cross-country trip to an autistic treatment center to acquire more “therapeutic tools” (or so I thought). What little comfort her former diagnosis provided had long since dissipated.

And my world was imploding.

The desert stretched endlessly. Rain was nowhere in sight. Flowers had yet to bloom. My parched soul cried for relief.

I had experienced five miscarriages over a ten-year period.

We had three rambunctious boys, ages eight, six, and one, who brought stresses of their own.

We had a daughter who at the age of four couldn’t talk, had just learned to walk, and experienced significant delays in all areas of development.

We had no reason for Rachel’s delays and no roadmap for her future.

And I thought I could handle it all on my own strength.

It was there in the beautiful springtime mountains of Massachusetts that “me-power” and reality collided head on.

Tears traced jagged paths down my cheeks. Words came in sobs as my heart cried out in anguish.

This is my little girl. Why her? Why me? Why us?

I barely choked out my horrible thoughts to a compassionate ear: “I almost wish Rachel had autism because then there would be hope that she could overcome whatever is affecting her development.” (Please hear my heart, I know parents of children with autism face extremely difficult circumstances and am in no way belittling what they experience. But I had known children who defied their autistic tendencies and diagnoses to live a productive independent life, and these words came from that knowledge and my desperation.)

I was grasping for an answer—any answer.

I wanted directions to how to handle life with a child with special needs. I didn’t care if I had just the Cliff Notes or the entire textbook.

No parenting book addressed it. No five-step process defined a cure, outlined the future, or even presented the next step.

God was out there, I knew, but felt distant.

He had already taken five of my babes to be with Him before I even had time to hold them, and I still prayed. What more did He want from me?

Mired in fear, I couldn’t comprehend how Rachel’s disabilities could be okay. Her future was draped in fog. I desperately needed a reason to hope.

But I was placing my hope in man—in doctors and therapists—and in the strength of my husband and me. I was focusing on what someone could do to provide a cure for Rachel or a 10-step plan for me.

And in so doing, I had missed the hidden beauty waiting to bloom.

That desperate night a decade ago caused me to pause in my attempt to separate Rachel from her disabilities. It encouraged me to open my eyes to the possibility that she was fine just as she was. That perhaps there was a purpose in a Rachel who was different from others—who had, not disabilities, but different abilities.

My perspective began to change. Where before stretched parched earth, I now saw life. Where once there were dried petals, glorious flowers burst forth.

I opened to the marvelous possibilities embracing all of Rachel brought. Maybe God didn’t make a mistake. Maybe He did have His fingerprints all over her life—and mine.  

By honoring me as Rachel’s mom, the Lord declared His desire for so much more from me and for me.

He wanted my heart and my trust. He wanted to lavish His joy on me.

But in my doubt and fear, I could only see heartache.

It wasn’t until I looked from another angle (through a God lens) that joy replaced sorrow, potential replaced limitations, flowers replaced barren ground.

Rachel in her own form of normalcy taught me that God is always love. We just don’t always look in the right places or from the right angle to see his love notes.

“Sing to Yahweh, you His faithful ones, and praise His holy name. For His anger lasts only a moment, but His favor, a lifetime. Weeping may spend the night, but there is joy in the morning. … You turned my lament into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, so that I can sing to You and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise You forever” (Psalm 30:4–5, 11–12 HCSB).

Reflections: Are you trying to make it on your own strength? Is there something in your life that would be better viewed through a God lens? Have you made it a point to notice His love notes to you?

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Today’s post is inspired by author Katie Ganshert’s debut novel Wildflower’s from Winter, which releases May 8. It is a tale of faith, hope, and love through difficult seasons. She is hosting a blog hop today, Friday, May 4, where mine and similar “beauty from pain” stories will be linked to. Click over to Katie’s site and check them out. They are sure to encourage!

 {Giveaway}

 There’s even more excitement as I will be giving away a copy of Katie’s book to a reader randomly chosen from all comments. Entering the Wildflowers from Winter giveaway is super easy:

• Simply share a comment on this post.
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• My Wildflowers from Winter giveaway will close at midnight Friday, May 11, with a winner announced later that day.