I used to think the hardest part of raising a child with special needs would be her younger years.
Getting through the initial stages of a diagnosis. Setting up the best services for her. Adjusting to being a “special needs” parent.
Yet as Rachel has grown, I’m realizing the hardest part is yet to come: The letting go. The tough decisions about how long she should remain with us, where she should live, what her life as an adult will look like.
And even harder: putting those decisions into action!
I’m not ready. I’m not sure I ever want to be ready!
Can I be honest here? When I seriously think about Rachel living apart from us, I nearly become physically ill.
I want to hold so tightly to her!
Yet I know that, more than likely, my husband and I will leave this earth before she does. We have to make plans for our daughter’s well-being.
It’s a heart-wrenching situation for a parent, one in which I’m admittedly struggling to find peace, to bear this cross well.
And I’m not alone. There are many others tripping with the weight of their burdens.
After all,
How do you find peace when your loved one isn’t coming back?
How do you find peace when your child is never going to get better?
How do you find peace when there’s no answer that will take away the pain?
The answer isn’t to hold on tighter to those things and people we love, but to loosen our grip and surrender it all to the Lord.
The answer to finding peace in heart-wrenching situations isn't to hold on tighter, but to loosen our grip. Share on X
Unbelievable Trust
The account of Abraham being asked to sacrifice his son Isaac (Genesis 22) brings us this much-needed perspective. What this devoted father is expected to do falls beyond my capacity to fully understand.
How could God ask Abraham to sacrifice his very own son? How could he expect a father to do such a thing? And why?
Think about it a minute. Abraham’s most prized possession is the son he waited 100 years for. 100 years! A short decade later, he’s asked to sacrifice him?
And he obediently sets out to do just that. I can only imagine the thoughts racing through Abraham’s mind as they take the pilgrimage to the place God directed. One would think he would have been confused, anxious, and even angry at such a request.
Yet Scripture gives us no indication of such feelings.
“So Abraham got up early in the morning, saddled his donkey, and took with him two of his young men and his son Isaac. He split wood for a burnt offering and set out to go to the place God had told him about.” Genesis 22:3
Abraham prepares to carry out God’s command apparently at peace. How is that even possible?
On the surface, the directive to sacrifice Isaac seems cruel, an inane request. But examined more closely, it reveals God’s great desire for Abraham, for all us.
God wants us to trust Him and be totally devoted to Him and Him alone. Completely, with no exceptions and nothing coming between us. No matter what we are asked to do or bear.
The act of obedience on Abraham’s part demonstrated that nothing stood between him and his God. Not money, not prestige, not even his son.
He has complete trust in the Lord. Just listen to his directive to his servants, “Stay here with the donkey. The boy and I will go over there to worship; then we’ll come back to you.”
Notice, the old patriarch said “we’ll” come back to you. Although fully preparing to carry out the sacrifice, Abraham also fully trusted that Isaac would return with him.
And then in answer to his son’s question about where the lamb for the burnt offering was, Abraham answered, “God Himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.”
Abraham trusted God to make something incredible happen. Do I trust the same thing for Rachel, for me?
Find Peace in Surrendering
When the Lord is our everything. When nothing holds more importance in our lives than He does. When we trust Him completely. Only then is peace in the face of anything possible.
Our health, our children, our relationships, they are all gifts for sure.
But they are gifts we are to steward well for awhile before releasing them. They are gifts we are meant to hold loosely.
Are we holding anything back in our devotion to the Lord? Are our possessions more important to us than Him? Are our children?
Back To Rach
It’s not so much about where Rachel finally ends up living or when we choose to find her a place of her own.
It’s about the focus of my heart. It’s about whether I’m more devoted to my daughter than I am to my God. It’s about whether I trust Him with His plan for her and me.
Peace is found in ANY circumstance when we fully trust the Lord to do as He has said: to be with us, provide for us and to ultimately bring us to Him.
Peace is found in ANY circumstance when we fully trust the Lord to do as He has said: to ultimately bring us to Him. Share on X
“Then [the Angel of the LORD] said, … now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your only son from Me.” Genesis 22:12
Reflections: Are you searching for God’s peace in a certain situation? Could it be you are holding onto something or someone too tightly?
I am always thrilled to link up with Suzie Eller for #livefreeThursday and this week’s prompt, “everything I own.” I love these special linkups. They provide an abundance of great inspiration and encouragement all in one place. Click on the image below or link above to check them out.
By His Grace,
Julie
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Hello, I'm Julie, an imperfect wife and mother of four. Life in this broken world is not always easy. Yet, joy can be found in each day through the grace and mercy of the Lord Jesus Christ.
I find it's easy for our day's blessings to get lost in its happenings. But God's "mercies never end" (Lamentations 3:22) and His "grace is sufficient" (2 Corinthians 12:9).
May the posts and pages on this site offer you a measure of peace and encouragement.
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Another wonderful post, Julie. Thank you. I appreciate getting to know you better as I read your words. Thank you for sharing your story. Your daughter sounds precious, and I can only imagine how you must feel when you think of letting go. Even though my situations are different, I’m glad we can have peace in every situation when we trust the Lord. Walking with you in trust today. I’m thankful for your reminder. Following you at Suzie’s. Bless you!
So wonderful to have your encouragement, Julie! We all need to be reassured we aren’t alone. Christian community is vital for sharing that reminder of the Lord’s faithfulness.
I know one thing, God will care for your Rachel. Of this I have no doubt. A tender post. Visiting from Live Free Thursday.
He will! I simply need to remind myself of this on occasion (and double check how tight my hands are clenched). Blessed to have you visit, Susan.
Julie I know when it’s your child from problems that’s one of the most diffictult things we have to face. We never know how life is going to be in the things that come up in our lifetime. I don’t know how, myself, to take care of my husband since his cancer diagnosis and he’s 11 years older than myself. This is the time we have to put out trust in the Lord and I feel so good about it. I can’t but He can and will! I’ll keep you and Rachel in my prayers so that everything works out well.
Thank you, Linda! You are always a blessing.
Hi Julie. My son had special needs. He had duchenne muscular dystrophy. He lived longer than expected. He went to be with the Lord in 2011. He was 27 years old. Every inch and breath of the journey needs grace and miracously He is there holding on to us. Sometimes we think He has let go, we just think He has but He is always with us in every hard situation. He feels our emotions. God took me through the grieving of Jason one breath at a time. The key to our sanity was living one day at a time which we try to do with God’s help every day. Love in Christ. Marilyn
Dear Marilyn, what a sweet blessing to have you visit and offer these words of encouragement. I’m so sorry for the pain and loss you experienced with your son. But it is providential that I wrote this post and that you responded to it.
Recently, two of my niece’s young sons have been diagnosed with Duchenne’s muscular dystrophy. They are struggling to cope with this tragic news. Can you offer them any additional words of encouragement from one who has been where they find themselves now?
Bless you!