Shrouded Perception

There wasn’t a good reason for my mood. But there I was. Surly, irritable, depressed, tearful. Feeling unloved and wishing to be elsewhere.

My surgery had gone well, pain was minimal, family and friends were helpful and attentive, and the sun was out. Still, rays of light struggled to penetrate the fog of despair that enveloped me.

I knew I had it pretty well. I knew I was well loved. I knew God was ministering to me in my need. The problem was that “knowledge” didn’t make it to my heart. I didn’t “feel” loved. I didn’t feel the presence of the Lord.

As emotional humans, we operate in the realm of feelings. Even those of us who tend to be intellectually minded, gauge our life more on how we are affected by others and events, or how we influence them, than on the facts and particulars of each day. Our perception shrouds our actual experiences and accomplishments.

During those times when reality is obscured by humanity, it is difficult to remember that a day is neither fully wonderful nor completely awful. And two days with identical circumstances can look vastly different depending on our disposition.

We all know each day holds both positives and negatives. However, some days we just can’t see those positives. The gems are hidden by the fog.

It is easy to be despondent about our reactions—to think we have a weak faith or that our walk with the Lord is wavering.

As much as I dislike living in the mist of misperception, it is a part of our fallen nature. We will all experience moments of despair and gloom despite God’s gracious blessings as long as we walk in our temporal bodies. It is not a direct correlation to the strength of our faith or the nature of our walk.

Thankfully, I’ve found a life raft to grab onto during those forlorn-laden moments. It is the one truth I can count on: The truth that Jesus is always present. Every day. All day. Even when I can’t feel Him.

In the midst of my despondency, I hold on tight to the truth that He is near, that He loves me. It is enough to get me through those shrouded days, those darkened moments.

Because He is enough. He is all.

“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair;  persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies …. So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day” (2 Corinthians 4:8–10, 16, ESV).

Are there days or moments when you truly cannot glimpse/register anything of value? What do you find comforting when nothing is?

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