In Which I Remember, Grieve, and Rejoice

The memorial card goes with me nearly everywhere. It’s really all I have to remember my five precious pre-born children by.

Five names scrawled across, with the date of their Home-going indicated as well. Their names are for the most part reflect merely guesses of the gender.

remember the babies

I don’t revisit the grief often but sometimes I do.

I remember the gripping pain—the icy claws digging into my heart and refusing to let go.

And the engulfing darkness of confusion and sorrow.

There is little else to remember. No tummy kicks. No sweet cries. No swaddling cloths.

They were gone nearly before they were here. Little time to attach but little time to let go. So suddenly, they were here … and then just as suddenly gone. I didn’t even get a glimpse (except through a Divine snapshot of my first).

But they were here, even if only wrapped in the protective cocoon of my uterus. Their blood mingled with mine. Their heart pulsed with my own. They lived …

… and they continue to live.

Each of them is dancing and singing and praising.

One day we will be reunited.

My unborn children lived & continue to live. Each of them dancing, singing, praising. One day we'll be reunited. Click To Tweet

“I’ll go to him [them], but he [they] will never return to me.” (2 Samuel 12:23).

Remember His Faithfulness

As deeply as I grieved then, I can soar with joy now. For the Lord is a pursuing God.

Chasing me with His unrelenting love.

Showering me with His grace.

Blessing me with with His peace and comfort.

As deeply as I grieved then, I can soar with joy now. For the Lord is a pursuing God. Showering me with His grace. Click To Tweet

When I was dwelling in the darkness of my grief, He poured out His love, a torch of life and light.

When I was wrapped in my sorrow, He provided His Word, sharper than any two-edged sword to slash myself free.

When I was drowning in misery, He took my hand and wouldn’t let go.

When I was drowning in misery, God took my hand and wouldn’t let go. Click To Tweet

This is the God I delight in serving. The perfect Father who never turns His back on me. Who never fails. Who never forsakes.

This is the Creator who I can follow confidently, even when I don’t understand His ways. For He has promised:

“You will become sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn to joy” (John 16:20)

And He is trustworthy … always.

Reflections: Have you struggled with grief and sorrow only to be rescued by the unrelenting love of the Lord? If so, I’d be honored if you would briefly describe your story in the comments. Are you still in the depths of sorrow? If so, how can I pray for you?

Linking with Ann Voskamp for my Joy Dare list  for Multitude Mondays (#1119–1139, read them all by clicking here):

  • Free food; Riding the unexpected waves of the day; several days of 70+ degrees in late October
  • Right place on the right day for presentation; Young pre-teacher minds eager to soak in ideas; Light shimmering on lake
  • Zachary—17 years old; Tennis with Joey—likely final time this year; A full writers’ critique group
  • Day spent with my mom and sister; Hubby feeling better; Old friends
  • Fun at a church couples retreat; My sister’s willingness to watch the kids; Encouragement from online friends
  • Traveling and laughing w/ friends; Inspiring stories of perseverance from Laura Ingalls Wilder; Visiting old haunts
  • Beautiful first piano duet pulled off by my youngest in church; Devotion of those sweet old dogs; musical classics

Also linking with these wondeful sites:

Grace Laced Mondays




By His grace ≈


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Find hope in your real-life struggles. We'll chase it together! I am a wife; mom of 4 (including a young adult daughter with special needs); miscarriage mom of 5; author & follower of Jesus Christ. I write, edit, speak and enjoy everything outdoors.

8 comments on “In Which I Remember, Grieve, and Rejoice
  1. Jan Heitshusen says:

    We are moved by all your posts, Julie. Today’s was so touching and awesome. Thanks!

  2. Karina says:

    Full of hope, and love for the Father. Linking up behind you at GraceLaced.

  3. Linda says:

    You have written a symphony of praise! Bless you for sharing the way God has turned your tears to joy. Thank you for your encouragement. May we remember your words and messages about God when we experience our own heartaches.

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