When You Feel Helpless (beginning of healing & strength)

Feeling helpless—getting to the end of “me”—allows for the beginning of deep healing and supernatural strength.

Feeling helpless—getting to the end of 'me'—allows for the beginning of deep healing and supernatural strength. Share on X

Doing It All

From the very first diagnosis of a cleft palate on the day Rachel was born nearly 18 years ago, My husband and I began to do all we could for her.

When our precious baby girl quit breathing at 6 weeks of age, I made the ambulance ride with her to our local hospital and then to the university hospital a day later. I stayed with her in the hospital—holding her through procedures and comforting her with my words when she couldn’t be held.

I did double duty, pumping my breast milk and feeding it to her, for 11 months, so she’d have the best nutrition leading up to her cleft surgery.

We stretched pantyhose over both legs to help her learn to crawl, diligently rolled her on a therapy ball, and worked endlessly with her on forming words.

After her diagnosis with an unknown lifelong disability, my husband and I flew halfway across the country to try to find tools to help her grow and progress. We cheered her on when she finally took her first step around age 4.

We sat through countless doctor and therapy appointments. We guided her through school and helped to formulate her very own Individualized Education Plan.

In short, we exhausted all the resources at our disposal to help our daughter succeed in life.

Yet to this day she remains a toddler in a teen-age body.

Helpless

No matter what my husband and I did or continue to do, no matter how much we did or will do, we cannot take away our daughter’s disabilities. We have done all we can, and it proved not to be enough.

No matter how much time, energy, and money my husband and I pour into helping Rachel function at the level of her peers, it isn’t happening.

That realization caught up to me on a fall day in western Massachusetts. You can read about it here. 

A tsunami of emotions hit as I looked square into the face of my deepest pain and expressed for the first time how utterly helpless I felt. A revelation that opened up a door to healing.

Looking into the face of our deepest pain and acknowledging our helplessness opens a door to healing. Share on X

Not the End, but the Beginning

That day in Massachusetts I didn’t know where to go. I felt I had reached a dead end. When really, it proved to be just the beginning, a new path of discovering beauty in the midst of thorns, a rainbow in the storm, an oasis in the middle of the desert,

Coming to the end of “me” woke me up to the reality of God in my life. Clearing my heart of the last vestiges of my perceived strength and understanding allowed room for God’s power and grace to grow.

When we finally lay down the misconceptions of our own abilities, we awake to the possibilities of God. What an exciting prospect!

It wasn’t wrong for my husband and I to pursue tools and resources to help Rachel.

It was wrong for us to think we knew better than God as to what would be best for her. It was wrong (and foolish) to think we had enough strength on our own. It was wrong for us to place our hope in better treatments and more therapy.

Strength and Hope

Strength and hope don’t come by striving and doing one more thing. They don’t come from the latest medical developments or the strongest government.

Strength and hope come on our knees with heart and hands open to receive them. They come when we willingly admit our weakness.

Strength and hope don't come by striving or from a strong government; but on our knees with heart and hands open to receive them. Share on X

When you’ve done everything you can and finally realize it will never be enough, you’re inviting God to show Himself enough.

And trust me when I say He always shows up and He’s always enough!

“Do you not know?
    Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
    and his understanding no one can fathom.” Isaiah 40:28 NIV

Strength and hope come when we willingly admit our weakness and let God show Himself enough. Share on X

Reflections: What stops you from admitting when you feel helpless and weary?

More than 4 years of counting and I’ve surpassed 4,500 gifts in Ann Voskamp’s Joy Dare! What a blessing! Here are numbers #4,768–4,788. Read my entire list by clicking here.