The Death of a Loved One (with great love comes great sorrow)

I didn’t know how my daughter would process Mom’s death. Rachel and Mom shared a close bond, developed through all the years my mother would travel with us to doctor appointments. Everyone deals differently with the death of a loved one. With our girl’s small verbal vocabulary, none of us knew how she was dealing with it.

Death of a Loved One

Although 86 years old, Mom’s death in the early hours of May 9, 2023, was unexpected. A beautiful soul, she poured out her love on her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. We are all grieving. Because when we have great love, we will know great sorrow. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. To not know the love of my mother would be unthinkable. Love is worth the pain. 

When we have great love, we will know great sorrow. But love is worth the pain. #grievewithhope Share on X

It’s a comfort to know we’ll see Mom again in heaven. I can’t imagine not knowing such hope. And we are also rejoicing that she is pain-free, weary-free, and worry-free. But we also mourn and ache with the realization that we can’t simply pick up the phone to chat or text or jump in the car for a visit. 

Great Love, Great Sorrow

I’ve been watching Rachel closely, concerned with how she’s coping with such a great loss. How much does she understand about death and heaven? She sees the sadness in our eyes, the tears that come unbidden. Does she realize she won’t be able to visit Grandma anymore during her lifetime? What is her understanding of heaven? 

We received some indication of her thoughts when tears came unprovoked at the dentist’s office four days after Mom’s death. And we have been encouraged when Rachel daily points to heaven and proclaims “Gamma.”

A couple of weeks later I got a glimpse of the depth of Rachel’s feelings of love and loss when she picked up Mom’s visitation folder that displayed her portrait and kissed her face. The next afternoon, Rachel spotted Mom’s empty purse in my study; she held it close to her heart and again said, “Gamma.” That purse now sits alongside the visitation folder in my daughter’s room, which will soon be joined by a framed picture of Mom. 

Walk of Sorrow and Joy

Rachel cannot express the depth of her grief and love for her grandma in words, but she is revealing some of her feelings through her actions. Although it seems my daughter has a good grasp of what her grandma’s death means for her—the sorrow of missing her presence here on earth and the joy Grandma is experiencing in heaven as well as the promise of our future reunion—I will continue to help her process those emotions any way I can, giving her permission to feel them and express them in her own way and timing. I don’t doubt she’ll teach me a thing or two along the way about what it means to walk in sorrow and joy. 

Decades ago, my children gave their grandma a cute little gift book titled, Grandmas are a Gift from God, published by inspirio (Zondervan, no longer in print). If Rachel could talk, I think she’d tell Grandma something similar to the following excerpts from the book: 

I praise God because of you, Grandma. You’re so special to me and I am so grateful to God that he put you into my life. … Home is where my grandma is! I love you, Grandma!

And then my sweet girl would point to heaven as she does now, clearly proclaiming, “Grandma is in heaven now, and that is indeed our Home. We’ll see you soon, Grandma!”

Heaven is indeed our Home, and one day we will be reunited with all who have gone before us. 

Heaven is indeed our Home, and one day we will be reunited with all who have gone before us. #promiseofsalvation Share on X

Grieve With Hope

If you are facing the death of a loved one, don’t stifle your grief. Let yourself feel it. You loved deeply and so you will sorrow deeply. But also remind yourself that, as believers, we will be reunited one day in our true Home.

Because God is faithful and able, we can trust His promises that we’ll rejoice together again in heaven where all will be made new.

Because God is faithful and able, we can trust His promises that we'll rejoice together again in heaven where all will be made new. Share on X

One day, there will be no more pain and sadness. Until then, we will have times of grief. When we do, let us hold tight to God’s promises and grieve with hope, letting joy intermingle with our sorrow.

When we grieve, let us hold tight to God's promises and grieve with hope, letting joy intermingle with our sorrow. Share on X

Reflections: Are you grieving the death of a loved one today? It’s okay. Take the time you need. How can I pray for you?