I Wonder What You Think of Me

Do you have a tendency to put yourself down? I mean when someone compliments you, do you brush it aside as if you don’t deserve it? Or do you downplay your accomplishments or criticize the way you look or another of your attributes?

Put-Downs

I lean toward limited self-confidence in certain areas of my life, so it is easy for me to be self-critical and bed down with self-doubts. I’m not talking about the kind of put-downs that are used to garner pity or draw attention, but the genuine unsure-of-my-worth kind.

Women have more difficulty with self-image than men, or at least, they are more open about it.

One only needs to turn on the news for a few minutes to see the devastating effects of  poor self-esteem: stories of anorexia, bulimia, girls cutting themselves, suicide, even the “hook-up culture” (where girls and boys engage in casual sex with multiple partners with no commitment intended).

I’ve long realized the importance of word choice and vocal tone when talking to my children, but I never really thought about how negative remarks about myself might be adding fuel to the self-image problem. Have you?

I was at a wonderful women’s conference  filled with praise, worship, and servant events a couple weeks ago when a dear older lady shared this story with me:

My daughter and I were shopping together. Browsing through the clothes, I lamented that none of the clothes looked good on me. I went on about how the cute clothes were made for women  with better figures: taller, thinner, prettier. It’s not the first time, I criticize my looks often.

Finally, my daughter stopped me and said. “Mom, I wish you wouldn’t do that. You say you aren’t pretty enough, that you don’t have a nice figure, but everyone says I look just like you. So when you put yourself down, I wonder what you think of me?”

Ouch!

I had expected this sweet woman to share how being self-depreciating dishonors God, questioning His good creation in each of us. The truth of that is powerful and should make each of us reflect on our worth as His sons and daughters.

However, that’s not the only negative consequence.

Am I inadvertently criticizing my daughter through endless putdowns of myself? Now that woke me up to the destructive potential of my self-directed words.

“I wonder what you think of me.”

To a great extent, we project our self-image onto our daughters … and granddaughters.

What do our girls hear when we complain about our figures? Do they think, “I’m overweight”?

When we comment that God skipped us when He was passing out pretty genes, are they saying, “I’m ugly”?

When we whine that nothing looks good on us, do our daughters believe, “I’m unlovable”?

You Are Beautiful, Just the Way You Are

One of the most important aspects of raising our daughters with a healthy self-image is to celebrate the way God made each of us, in all our variation.

So believe:

• if you are pear-shaped, round, or a string bean, you are beautiful.
• if you sport wrinkles, pimples, or sunspots, you are an amazing creation.
• if you have  a big nose, small head, wild hair, beady eyes, you are loved and lovely.

Believe that each of us, in our uniqueness, has beauty and tremendous worth … just as we were created! After all, it is in His image!

Each of us, in our uniqueness, has beauty and tremendous worth ... just as we were created! Click To Tweet

And bless your daughters today and everyday by expressing that belief.

It’s the best gift we can give them.

“So God created man in His own image; He created him in the image of God; He created them male and female…. and it was very good” (Genesis 1: 27, 31, HCSB).

Share in the Discussion: Have you noticed the devastating impact negative words about ourselves (even said innocently) have on our children and grandchildren, especially our daughters? Do you have a story to share to bless others? Won’t you join me in ridding ourselves of self-depreciating comments?

Linking with the One Thousand Gifts community at A Holy Experience to share more of my grateful list (#737–758 [see them all by clicking here]):

• Book outline outlined!; Soaking my boy as he washed the van; Super-fabulous respite provider loves Rach & vice versa
• Joyful in playing w/ my 2 youngest in the lake; Being blessed while reaching out 2 a friend; Energized to encourage
• Oldest no longer a boy–turned 18; Watching the storm clouds rolling in; Picking berries
• Sweet girl “playing” badminton; brothers’ love and indulgence for their sister; clear, quiet, cool evening
• Zach is home from camp–missed him; Watching bats launch from under siding; Looming deadlines–forced productivity
• Early morning squirrel antics; Biking with kitty; Blast from the past:
  
• Family reunion time!; Shopping (of all things) and eating out w/ older 2 & Rach; Getting wet on the way to church!
• Created in His image: “it was very good”

Know that I am blessed by your visits and value your comments. I love to pray for you and hear your stories! If you find my writings encouraging, please share them with others. It’s super easy, just click one of the buttons below. And if you haven’t yet, please consider subscribing to my site by email or RSS feed. You’ll get each post delivered right to you.

By His grace ≈

Julie