Learning to Let Go of What If and Embrace What Is

Circumstances can sure throw a wrench in the plans we make for our future. How we react when reality doesn’t match or expectations matters. Will we embrace it or wish it away? One = promise and hope, one = bitterness and hopelessness.

On our wedding day, my husband and I didn’t give allot of thought to the second half of our lives. In fact, I don’t remember discussing it much for the first 15 to 20 years of marriage. The day-to-day details of raising our four children comprised most of our conversations. But I think we, like most people, expected our latter years to involve more freedom: time to go, spend, relax, and serve more freely.

For caregivers that’s not usually the case. 

The Unexpected Life

If you aren’t aware, my husband and I have a young adult daughter with significant special needs. For all practical purposes Rachel is a 3 year old in a 22-year-old (on June 5) body. Although she completed her schooling a couple years ago, we’ve chosen to still keep her home. That decision has changed the look of what should be our empty-nesting years.

The restrictions and time constraints of being a caregiver inform every day. And sometimes it seems to be a thankless and endless task.

But please don’t incorrectly interpret these words. I’m not looking for a way out of care giving. I can’t imagine our daughter living anywhere else. She’s usually adorable, often funny, and normally loving. It’s a joy and an honor to care for her. It really is. And mostly I feel that way.

But What If…

Yet, there’s a part of me that wonders what that other life would be like. The one where you raise your kiddos, and they go off into the big, wide world to create a place for themselves. The one where you and your spouse can go for a walk … together. The one where the two of you can honor a friend’s spur of the moment request to join them for dinner. The one where relaxing begins after the evening meal dishes are washed. The one where the day awakens slowly and leisurely. The one where attending a conference or event doesn’t require a logistics degree to make happen.

As a caregiver, if I’m not careful I can put up my tent in the “what-if” camp instead of embracing the “what is” of my life. But I’m not alone. We all have our “what if” moments. What if I had the time to write that she has? What if I had that kind of money? What if my health was better? What if my husband would be more attentive? What if God would lift this burden from my life? 

Numbered Days

Yet ruminating over what could have been will rob us of the blessings of what is now. We’d do well to remember that God gifts each of us with a finite number of days to live on earth. They are ours to squander or cultivate, embrace or wish away. 

Ruminating over what could have been will rob us of the blessings of what is now. We'd do well to remember that God gifts each of us with a finite number of days to live on earth. They are ours to squander or cultivate, embrace or wish away. Click To Tweet

“Lord, make me aware of my end
and the number of my days
so that I will know how short-lived I am.
⁵ In fact, you have made my days just inches long,
and my life span is as nothing to you.
Yes, every human being stands as only a vapor” Psalm 39:4-5, CSB

Embrace What Is

If my husband and I would have drawn up a plan for our future on our wedding day, this wouldn’t have been it. But it’s the life God crafted specifically for us. It’s the one God crafted us specifically for.

This isn't the life my husband and I would have planned, but it's the life God crafted specifically for us. It's the one God crafted us specifically for. #embracetoday Click To Tweet

Maybe your reality differs from what you expected too, and you’re struggling to find the good in it. There is good. I promise you that.

God’s goodness spills over into our reality, but it’s not always readily evident. Yet as we turn to Him in faith, trusting Him to redeem the bad in our life and work good in and through it, we’ll begin to see its beauty. 

God's goodness spills over into our reality, but it's not always readily evident. Yet as we turn to Him in faith, trusting Him to redeem the bad in our life and work good in and through it, we'll begin to see its beauty. Click To Tweet

We will begin to find this life fulfilling and meaningful as we learn to embrace it. And we can learn to embrace and rejoice in it by daily bringing to mind all we have to be grateful for. A regular practice of gratitude will drive out the what ifs and spotlight the beauty of our what is.

“This is the day the Lord has made; let’s rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24, CSB

Let's learn to rejoice in our life by daily bringing to mind all we have to be grateful for. A regular practice of gratitude will drive out the what ifs and spotlight the beauty of our what is. Click To Tweet

I’m still practicing and cheering you on. Now it’s your turn. 

Your Turn

Reflections: What is one “what if” trap you fall into? Now replace that “what if” with one “what is” blessing in your current reality. Lay down your bitterness and hopelessness for the growth and hope provided through God’s goodness. 

By His grace ≈

Julie